So, this week has been a little difficult. I haven't heard anything from the police. I have heard all the things I shouldn't have done (so I really don't need to hear anymore). I have all the What Ifs danced and partied in my head (check out Shel Silverstein's A Light in the Attic and the poem Whatif). Friday night I couldn't sleep wondering about all the what ifs. That was the worst night, I think. I realized they have my address, they have my garage door opener, they have my ID. When I leave the house or go to bed, I check every door, window, etc. and make sure they are locked, even the one to the house from the garage. I get about a block away and have to come back to double-check everything. There's a pit in my stomach as I drive back to the house, expecting them to be in the house, taking everything else. Every time the phone rings, I expect it to be the police saying they found it. But, it never is.
Insurance says they call it a loss after seven days and they issue a check for whatever amount they decide the car was worth. I assume that will be sometime in the next few days. Now, I have to go through the process of finding another car. That will be the easy part. The hard part will be confirming my faith in a good God when bad things happen, trusting that this was not a surprise to Him, and that He has good things planned. I realize this is fairly insignificant in the realm of bad things happening-no one was hurt, I don't have to repay the credit card company, I can get a new ID. Now, it's a new wrestling of faith, not quite of Job-like proportions, but maybe of Paul on the road to Damascus. I'm not persecuting people, but I definitely have some areas of where I hold things more dearly than people. I'm learning to hold things a lot looser (ironic, I know). My trust cannot be in things, but rather in God. And, now I get to learn to go a little deeper in what I really believe about God. Do I believe Jeremiah 29:11??? Not sure, but I know I believe in Jeremiah 29:13 and that now is the time to draw closer to Him. Do I believe in John 10:10? Yes, a thief came to steal, but Jesus came to give us LIFE. And this is where I am struggling. Trusting the goodness of God, faith in a loving God, open hands that are willing to let Him remove things in my life…and the balance of all of them combined.