I have been asked numerous times why I haven't posted on my site lately...and I have no excuse. Well, actually I have lots of excuses, but my American students would tell you excuses are stinky. So, here's the latest and greatest post. Six weeks from today I will be in Brașov, Romania and I honestly cannot tell you how excited I am. I am looking forward to seeing many of my friends and students, as well as meeting new ones. I am excited to see how God will use me...and hopefully, this time I will be healthy the whole time I am there. Although, God did amazing things when I was sick...
I am also a bit nervous. As some of the Romanian students know (and, as many of my friends here in the US know), I am a mess emotionally. And, sadly, I have let my insecurities and fears define me. But, as it was pointed out to me this weekend, it makes me hard to get along with...my emotional ups and downs make it seem like I am constantly seeking affirmation and accolades, a reverse pride issue. Yes, that was a lovely conversation...and it left me, guess what? Emotional! And, while I hate to admit it, it is because I am still not grounded in who I am in Christ. I continue to let the World Around Me define who I am: teacher, short, chubby, single, funny, smart, good cook, arrogant, pushy, overwhelmed, a good friend, poor, rich, messy, disorganized, mean, etc.
And yet, even after being a Christian for 26 years, the truest definitions of who I am still get put at the end of that list, if they are mentioned at all: His, saved, sanctified, justified, forgiven, loved, the beloved, redeemed, valuable, a temple. Why is that???
Sadly, I think, because I am more prone to believe what the world says...Tonight in Bible study, I read Revelation 12: 10-12-Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, “Now salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down. And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death. Therefore rejoice, O heavens, and you who dwell in them! Woe to the inhabitants of the earth and the sea! For the devil has come down to you, having great wrath, because he knows that he has a short time.”
I have let the accuser of the brethren accuse me...and I believed him. And, it seems so easy to believe him...he twists God's word, like he did with Eve (2 Corinthians 11:3). Sometimes he parrots words that others have said, which makes his accusations seem like the truth...like a messenger of light (2 Corinthians 11:14). Other times, he torments us, like Paul says, to keep us from being conceited and gives us a thorn in the flesh (2 Corinthians 12:7). Or, like 1 Thessalonians 3:5 and James 1 talk about...he uses those things to tempt us...which, when given in to lead to sin, and sin to death.
Why is it so much easier to believe those (mostly negative) things about myself? Because I am not grounded in Christ. The older I get the more I realize there are only a few ways the devil can tempt me...fear of failure, of never losing the rest of this weight, of being alone. And yet, in Christ I have already overcome...and am complete in Him...and He promises I will never be alone...
So, I am trying to let go of those thoughts and replace them with the words of Christ. I cannot do it in my own strength...but through Christ who gives me strength. I cannot do it alone...I need the community of believers to help me be accountable and steadfast...As Revelation says, they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony...I have the blood of the Lamb and He is giving me a testimony every day I'm here on earth...so the hard part is done :)
So, 40 days from today, I board a plane and travel halfway around the world to be a light for Christ. God can do amazing things in 40 days...and I am counting on Him to do some amazing things in my life before I go and in the lives the ones who are preparing for the English classes. Please pray that God's will is done and that the students see Christ shining through me...not the short, chubby, teacher who is insecure, afraid, and chicken but the triumphant daughter of God who loves the students with the love of her Heavenly Father!
I am also a bit nervous. As some of the Romanian students know (and, as many of my friends here in the US know), I am a mess emotionally. And, sadly, I have let my insecurities and fears define me. But, as it was pointed out to me this weekend, it makes me hard to get along with...my emotional ups and downs make it seem like I am constantly seeking affirmation and accolades, a reverse pride issue. Yes, that was a lovely conversation...and it left me, guess what? Emotional! And, while I hate to admit it, it is because I am still not grounded in who I am in Christ. I continue to let the World Around Me define who I am: teacher, short, chubby, single, funny, smart, good cook, arrogant, pushy, overwhelmed, a good friend, poor, rich, messy, disorganized, mean, etc.
And yet, even after being a Christian for 26 years, the truest definitions of who I am still get put at the end of that list, if they are mentioned at all: His, saved, sanctified, justified, forgiven, loved, the beloved, redeemed, valuable, a temple. Why is that???
Sadly, I think, because I am more prone to believe what the world says...Tonight in Bible study, I read Revelation 12: 10-12-Then I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, “Now salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren, who accused them before our God day and night, has been cast down. And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, and they did not love their lives to the death. Therefore rejoice, O heavens, and you who dwell in them! Woe to the inhabitants of the earth and the sea! For the devil has come down to you, having great wrath, because he knows that he has a short time.”
I have let the accuser of the brethren accuse me...and I believed him. And, it seems so easy to believe him...he twists God's word, like he did with Eve (2 Corinthians 11:3). Sometimes he parrots words that others have said, which makes his accusations seem like the truth...like a messenger of light (2 Corinthians 11:14). Other times, he torments us, like Paul says, to keep us from being conceited and gives us a thorn in the flesh (2 Corinthians 12:7). Or, like 1 Thessalonians 3:5 and James 1 talk about...he uses those things to tempt us...which, when given in to lead to sin, and sin to death.
Why is it so much easier to believe those (mostly negative) things about myself? Because I am not grounded in Christ. The older I get the more I realize there are only a few ways the devil can tempt me...fear of failure, of never losing the rest of this weight, of being alone. And yet, in Christ I have already overcome...and am complete in Him...and He promises I will never be alone...
So, I am trying to let go of those thoughts and replace them with the words of Christ. I cannot do it in my own strength...but through Christ who gives me strength. I cannot do it alone...I need the community of believers to help me be accountable and steadfast...As Revelation says, they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony...I have the blood of the Lamb and He is giving me a testimony every day I'm here on earth...so the hard part is done :)
So, 40 days from today, I board a plane and travel halfway around the world to be a light for Christ. God can do amazing things in 40 days...and I am counting on Him to do some amazing things in my life before I go and in the lives the ones who are preparing for the English classes. Please pray that God's will is done and that the students see Christ shining through me...not the short, chubby, teacher who is insecure, afraid, and chicken but the triumphant daughter of God who loves the students with the love of her Heavenly Father!